i have not posted on this tumblr in over a month, and i feel as though i should explain myself.
the halt in posting first occurred when i was incredibly overwhelmed with schoolwork. every second of spare time i had to myself was either spent writing a paper or reading as many pages as possible for a class or studying for my blasted biology class (which i managed to get a B in somehow). at first, the time away from tumblr wasn’t exactly purposeful. however, after a few days of not even looking at my dashboard, i realized that i felt good about it, and i decided that i was going to keep the habit up. i unfollowed over a hundred blogs and i was debating whether or not to delete my account entirely or not. however, i could not will myself to do so. instead, i just decided to log off and stay logged off.
i created a new tumblr. this one is purely for writing. i decided that i still needed some outlet where i could write and have the possibility of some people seeing what i had in my mind at the time. but even that one, i’ve been using less and less.
currently, i am on my winter break, and i have been feeling an urge to be on tumblr a lot more than i used to, but i keep reminding myself of why i made the decision to “quit” in the first place. the reason, i believe, is that even though school is not in session as of right now, i still have a thousand things that i should be doing. i have a massive bookshelf full of unread books. i have a list of movies, old and new, that i’ve been meaning to see since i first heard of them. and i have an entire world full of music that i’ve yet to hear. i didn’t want to spend my break sitting on a website, looking at pictures of things instead of actually experiencing them. i’ve also been trying to go out into that thing called the world more often. since i live in a town where there isn’t much to do, that’s difficult. but i one day hope to be living somewhere where there’s always something to do, and i wish to have close friends who will do these things with me.
don’t get me wrong, i miss a majority of what tumblr is. i miss talking to random people that i’ve never met and having meaningful conversations with them. i miss seeing the silly night-blogger posts at 2am and laughing myself to sleep. i miss all the conspiracy theory and yes, even the crazy shippers. i am in no way speaking down to any of you. i do not believe myself “better” for being able to decide against tumblr. this was a massive phase of my life and i am glad that i experienced this. i simply believe that there are better ways to be spending my time, even if all i want to do in the moment is scroll through pictures of cats.
i’m still trying to figure out what i will allow myself to do on this website. maybe i will indeed return to this blog eventually. maybe it will be under a different url. maybe i’ll delete this and start over entirely, but i don’t think that i could ever will myself to do that. this all means too much to me. there are certain things that i’ve saved on this website and deleting my blog entirely would cause me to lose too much.
i don’t know if any of you actually missed me or failed to even notice that i haven’t posted in over a month, but either way, it doesn’t matter. i’m not doing this for any sort of attention or response. i’m not doing this for notes or for messages. i’m simply posting this so that if any one was concerned for any reason, know that i am okay. i didn’t disappear. i didn’t do anything. i’m still here. i’m breathing, reading, learning, and occasionally going insane, but i’m alright. and i hope that you are all okay as well. remember that you are all incredibly important and that the world without you would be a bit darker.